The Lady Joyce Kho Ming Zhen
A LeO
BoRn On 4th AuGuSt 1985
Early Childhood Educator
Cant live without my loved ones
A kid at heart
She is worth: PRICELESS

♥Loves & N Hates Loves:
♥Purple*AuTuMn*Wiccan*
♥Magic*Glitters&Blings*
♥Stars*Astronomy*Astrology*
♥Snowflake*Maple Leaf*
♥White Lilies*lavender*
♥baby breaths (the flower)*
♥fairytales/princess*crowns*
♥rings*earrings*
♥peppermint green tea*
♥Salmon sakshimis*cream pastas*
♥surprises*romance*
♥hugs*smilez*fun*
♥sprinkles*crystals*girl power*
♥goth*vampires*
♥read*eat*sleep*
♥movies*psp games*iPhone*
♥Pirates of the Caribbean*
♥Edward Scissorhands*
♥Transformers*X-Men*
♥LOTR*Harry Potter*
JOHNNY DEPP
♥Angelina Jolie*
♥Kristen Kreuk*
♥Michael Jackson*
♥Britney Spears*
♥Nicole Scherzinger*
♥Formula One races*Ferrari*
♥quotes*stories*
♥Boots*Bags*Baby-G watches*
♥Perfumes:*CK Eternity
moment*Clinique Happy
Heart*Elizabeth Arden Pretty*
♥Galaxies*Universe*
♥Winter*tattoos*hennas*
♥Beach*Ocean*

Hates:
N Hypocrites*Backstabbers*
N*two-headed snakes*Snobs*
NPpl who thinks they are gd-looking and so they are superior*
NPpl who act cute*
N Gossipers*Busybodies*
NWhiners/Annoyers*Irritants*
N betrayers*two timers*
N bootlickers*paedophiles*
Ndisappointments*
NRapists*Molesters*
NHer temper*Her emo*
NHer insecurities*

Her Pals
♥Hui
♥Yu Pei
♥MeL
♥SaRah
♥LiNa
♥FiOn

Her Speech

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Happily ever after? or Happily never after?

[ Marriage ]

Happily ever after? or happily never after?

As I am approaching my mid-twenties, friends around me are settling down one by one.

I used to want to get married. Fantasizes about finding my own happily-ever-after with my handsome prince.

So when I met dear, ten years ago, I already told myself he is the one.

I guess all along in the past I was alone. Most of the time. My parents neglected me, even they also admitted it, at the time when I need people around me the most.

Throughout my whole primary school and the first 2 years of my secondary school days...I was mostly on my own. My parents rarely have the time to speak to me...and my brother was too young to listen to my woes. He is six years younger than me.

Even though I have friends, I can't spend much time with them cos' ironically, my parents wanted me to go home straight after school. So with no family, no friends to talk to at home, you can say I was pretty much alone all the time.

And in Secondary school, making friends was hard for me cos' being alone too much made me quite socially impaired. Put that together with my bucked teeth, short boyish haircut, and a hot temper, you could say I was a social reject.

Perhaps I was alone too much, I wish someone would be there for me. Craving for love and attention, I wanted to find my handsome prince. He came along at the time when I wanted love and attention. So naturally, I was not only flattered, but immediately knew he would be the one whom I wanted to spend my whole life with. The guy that I want to marry.

And don't think that just because I was left alone too much, I would anyhow just accept a guy and want to marry him just because he gave me love. I also felt that he was a very good guy simply because he looked past my ugly face at that time, when most of the people in my school jeered or laughed at my bucked teeth.

That was then. My childish concept of love and marriage.

I am not saying my dear is bad. It's just that my whole concept and outlook of marriage have changed.

Perhaps it's cos' of how my dad is very loving and caring towards me now, or perhaps it's the divorces that I have seen...

Or simply because of my own parents' marriage. Ten years ago, when marriage was something that will not possibly happen but ten years later, I didn't really think about the issue on marriage clearly and carefully. I was so focused on not being alone anymore and craving for love.

Ten years later, when I feel the love from my parents (especially my dad), divorce cases around me and the topic of marriage which is not so far away now, I change.

I have such a bleak view on marriage. And add that on with the encouragement from my parents to not marry young and if I-didn't-find-the-right-one-don't-marry-ok-cos'-they-won't-mind, and my dad making me promise that if I marry I have to be in a blissful marriage if not he will not die happy and in peace, do you think I dare to commit without thinking through long and hard?

No freaking way.

So I am not sure whether I will marry dear. Not cos' I don't love him as much anymore, or he has been very bad to me.

I rather things stay the way they are now, meaning he is my boyfriend, with not much commitments, than get married and end up in a unhappy marriage.

I said this cos' I am not sure about us. I am not sure we can make things work. Cos' marriage is alot of hard work, communication, forgiveness, and compromises.

Which we are still working at now. So...yeah. I won't be getting married in the next 5-10 years. Unless of course within the time I became sure we can make things work.

Don't ask me why. My instincts tell me that we are not ready for marriage. AND I have come a long way and learn hard lessons on trusting my instincts, cos' my instincts were usually right, and I usually don't trust them. Learnt it the hard way when I didn't trust my instincts.

So happily ever after?

Not yet.
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥ 10:37 PM link to post 0 comments