Monday, July 30, 2007
Love this song...
["Do you know? The ping pong song" sung by Enrique Iglesias]
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know what it feels like loving someone
That's in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one
To know the lock on the door has changed
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
If birds flying south's a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year
Love, you never know the minute it ends
Suddenly I can't get it to speak
Maybe find you all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside me
Look in your eyes 'til I see there's something about me
I'm standing on the edge and I don't know what else to give
Do you know what it feels like loving someone
That's in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one
To know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
How can I love you? How can I love you?
How can I love you? How can I love you?
If you just don't talk to me, babe.
I flow through my act, there's a question, "Is she needed?"
Another side of a man I cannot be
Looking at the last 3 years like I did
I could never see us ending like this
(Do you know?)
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that's never happened to me
(Do you know?)
But after this episode I don't see
You can never tell how the next day of life could be
Do you know what it feels like loving someone
That's in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one
To know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like loving someone
That's in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one
To know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know what it feels like loving someone
That's in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one
To know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like loving someone
(You don't know how it feels)
That's in a rush to throw you away?
(You don't know how it feels)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one
(You don't know how it feels)
To know the lock on the door has changed
(You don't know how it feels)
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
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I really like this song and the lyrics of this song. It's so addictive listening to it, and I like the music and of course, Enrique's voice. I like it so much that I made it my blog song.
-Do you know what it feels like loving someone who seem to care more about another girl's life than yours? He always says he doesn't love her. Then why bother about her life? It makes me so confused.
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
9:20 PM
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Sunday, July 29, 2007
What a day...
[My Saturday]
Well...it started with some hiccups...which I would say, I contributed to the conflict too. You know, when there are disappointments, and add that with my hot temper....I definitely play a part whenever we have arguments.
But I am glad things between me and dear is ok now:)
Then we had a fun time after the hiccup, going to farm mart, and Qian Hu fish farm. Oh, and we watched Knocked Up too. It was quite hilarious.
I would say it was a fun Saturday. Until I saw the final assignment that is supposedly due on Monday.
Initially I thought I can do it on Sunday. I still can do it tomorrow, BUT now I have a nagging doubt that I can't finish it.
WHY??? You will ask.
Cos' when I opened the document just now, and saw the parts that I was assigned to do (cos' it's a group project), I almost fainted.
I DON"T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!!!!!!!
Well, at least a lot of it I don't seem to understand, much less go about doing it.
So THAT is freaking me out.
I am SOOOO dead.
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
2:05 AM
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Friday, July 20, 2007
Photos taken from Tioman
[My 100th entry]
It's official!
As I logged in, I saw that I have 99 posts....
So it means that....
This is my no. 100 entry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about the late entry though...I was actually thinking of uploading last week...but I was too busy and lazy to blog this entry, cos' stupid photobucket is taking so bloody long to load when I was uploading the Tioman photos...
Anyway, coincidentally, this 100th entry is dedicated to some photos taken from Tioman trip with him, I didn't want to upload all cos' some are meant to be confidential:), and also the fact that we didnt take too many photos cos' there were only 2 of us.
(Well Dylan, here are the Tioman trip photos! NAH! LOL...). FINALLY right?? Well here goes:
On the ferry ride to Salang....
Well, I love this photo. Cos' dear looked so happy here. I have never taken a photo with him looking so SMILEY and cute:) And throughout the ferry ride he was like "Are we there yet?"(inside joke, think Shrek2)
Lunch time...
Well, this was taken once we reached Salang. We reached there at about 2 plus in the afternoon? We were famished.
As we were walking around...
We spot this! Or rather dear spot it first. He was like, "What is that? Crocodile I think!" Well, up till today, I still have no idea what was that. I just randomly gave him an answer, which was an iguana.
Another one...
Well, he spot this...
And he wanted to sit on it. Like a
you zai xian zai(translation:relaxing) lifestyle. Must blend in with the culture there.
The scenery...
Yeah, of course me, but since scenery is the focus, even if you can't see me it's ok.
Another one..
This time with dear...
Well, we went on this Round Island Trip that cost about rm80. Eh, actually dear was very nice. He only wanted to go for the Coral Island Trip, which cost rm60, which only consists of snorkelling trip around Coral Island...while the Round Island trip is like all around Tioman Island, where there is not only snorkelling, but visiting other places...like the other beaches and waterfall.
So because I said the Round Island trip seemed more worth it, he agreed to go to the Round Island trip instead. Eh, I think the Coral Island trip will be more fun, cos' there is less travelling needed to be done. We spent alot of time travelling on the speed boat for the Round Island trip, cos' we were to travel around the island
ma, so
duh!
We didn't get to take photos of the snorkelling trip though:( cos' we didn't have the underwater camera thingy. But it was er...scary for me at first (I think I am hydrophobic, even with life jacket). Dear was nice about it though, he even dived into the sea and picked one of the sea cucumber up from the sea bed so that I get to touch it.
To me, it looks like a piece of shit. Of the black colour variety.
Anyway, for the Round Island trip, we went to the waterfall. Took some photos there...
Me and dear:)
Myself...the water was freezing. Sharp contrast to the hot weather.
Us again..
Someone helped us take the photos...and this one was taken with us caught unawares...
Me at the waterfall...Like I said, the water WAS freezing cold. So I wasn't particularly fond of posing under the waterfall.
Dear seemed to like posing at the waterfall though:)
Dear was happily waddling in the water...seriously, he is good at swimming, good enough to dive into the water and swim like a fish, and sometimes, like a dog, silly but cute:)
Lastly...this is the last photo that we took before we left..
Nice clear water with tiny fishes right?
I really like the place. It is really a relaxing place to go to, as the lifestyle there reminds me of kampong life...but quite a modern one at that cos' the resorts there, though built to look like kampongs, most of them are air conditioned. So it is really different from Singapore's busy and fast paced lifestyle. Quite a good place for a really relaxing getaway, and is quite cheap at that.
I heard Phuket is even better, so that is my next goal destination, though it is much more expensive:). So if you are looking for a really serene place to relax and getaway from the hectic lifestyle of Singapore and with quite a tight budget, Tioman is a good choice:).
Enough on Tioman...
********************************************
Just another photo that me and dear took on a KTV trip before andre sets off to Perth...
Eh, there are other photos, but they are with dear's friend. When he sent it to us, I will probably upload the rest:)
Enough about photos......
********************************************
Harry Potter and the deathly hallows is out. I MUST HAVE IT. I mean, those of you who know me well should know I am a big fan of Harry Potter. I like, have ALL the books and ALL the vcds of the movies. So definitely, I watched Order of Phoenix already. I would say it is good and bad, good considering that the fifth book is really thick, and they managed to
put almost all the important plots inside. Bad as in, like I said, almost all the important plots are inside. I still think that they seriously overlooked one character, who will be very very important in the last two instalments of the Harry Potter series. The character is Ginny Weasley. Those of you who are not fans of Harry Potter, I am spoiling this for you. Ginny is important BECAUSE she will be his girlfriend and wife in the last two books. She is, in the books(at least from fifth book onwards), very pretty, so much so that even Malfoy thinks she is pretty and that due to her beauty she is popular among guys and thus changed lots of boyfriends, AND very witty, humorous, smart and a strong person(she doesn't break down and cry easily, unlike Cho, so that is why Harry like her over Cho in the end). But in this movie Ginny doesn't seem to display much of the above mentioned traits, does she? Oh well...let's hope that in the future movies she is going to have more constructive and witty lines, and that by some miracle, turn into a beauty(cos' seriously, I don't really find the current actress who is acting as her very pretty).
Besides Order of Phoenix, I watched Transformers too. Some of my friends tell me that they never know how attractive robots can be, or that they have fallen in love with Optimus Prime or Bumblebee.
For me, not to be arrogant or what, let's just say that I have been in love with Optimus since I was say, eight years old? I like to watch the cartoons, and even have a toy model of Optimus, which is sadly, given away:(. I like Transformers probably due to the fact that I like to play with transportation toys(I like cars and trucks, basically land transports) besides barbie dolls.
Like I said, part of the theme song that I remembered from the cartoon was
transformers, robots in disguise. Up till today, I still have no idea whether I was right or not, cos' I was so young then. Any fans out there who knows whether the words are like that?
Like I mentioned before, if those are not the exact words, I have remembered the wrong words for half of my life:X.
Well, enough about my childhood love for Optimus and transformers. Blame it on my nostalgia:X
- Tranformers, robots in disguise.
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
12:06 AM
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Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Seems ok now
[To people who are concerned..]
Oh wellz....
I really want to thank the people who are here for me during my sad moments...
The people who helped me emotionally and financially....and those who are concerned about my last two entries (or rather sad poems) or the fact that the blog I dedicated to him is gone....
I am fine:). At least he seemed to be treating me ok now. Perhaps it is the presence of Dylan. Though I didnt tell him much about him.
Anyway, was thinking of uploading the photos for Tioman trip today. Then I looked at the time and realized that it is getting late...really want to sleep earlier today. Not much photos though...cos' there are only two of us....
So people who are interested, I will most probably be uploading tomorrow:)
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
11:21 PM
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Thursday, July 12, 2007
Disappear...once again
[Missing]
Time and again
He is gone
Not finding me
Not missing me
Just cos' he is upset
Just cos' he is angry
Just cos' he is busy
When I need him the most
Where is he?
Who is he missing?
Definitely not me.
If he misses me
His actions doesnt show it
Cos' once again he is missing in my life
When I am calling out for him
In my heart.
Time and again
When he goes missing
I will find him
And he knows he is missed
Regardless of how
Regardless of why
Regardless of how hurt I feel
I still miss him
So time and again
I look for him
When he goes missing
When he doesnt want to talk to me
Maybe he is hurting too
Maybe he misses me too
Maybe he wants to find me too
Maybe, maybe.
All my guesses
All his words
All his actions
Doesnt show that way
This time maybe
I am too tired of this
One sidedness that I feel
This searching and finding
This sadness that I feel
This hurt that I have
This crying in my heart
The guesses in my mind
Living for myself
Not caring where he is
Or where his heart lies
Or who he is missing
Not bothering him
Actually feels
A sense of relief
A weight lifted off my chest
For not holding on anymore
And taking things in my stride
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
7:17 AM
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Sunday, July 08, 2007
[At least he is mine to call]
How do you convince yourself that he loves you?
Through his words....or through his actions?
It is tiring to keep guessing....
But his actions speaks louder than his words....
Is interested in her life....
The desire to help her when she needs help...
Even if it meant lying to someone whom he claimed to love...
Even if it meant hurting the person whom he claimed to love...
He perserveres till the last resort....
Looking at her like she is so beautiful...
Keeping her photos even though she didnt give it to him...
His words rang into my ears from long ago "I cant forget her, though I don't love her"
God knows what's more?
But just by all these actions, it is hurtful enough.
How do you feel secure with someone like him?
I would love to believe him, trust him.
But again and again his actions seemed to prove otherwise.
Is it my fault to be not trusting?
I should try not to make anymore wild guesses...
but can you tell me how?
when his actions really seemed otherwise?
Or maybe, it is not what it seems?
That perhaps things are not what they look like...
His actions may look like he cares a lot for her,
But it is perhaps just.....
For memory's keepsake,
Helping a friend in need,
Caring for an old friend,
It's all in the past.
I wish I will stop making wild guesses,
I guess there are too many things I don't know,
Making me wonder.
To end my misery,
Perhaps I should believe him,
Cos' after all, no matter what,
His best pal's golden words to me:
"At least he is mine to call".
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
8:13 PM
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Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Busy wks....
[Stress overwhelms me]
It's been quite some time since I last blogged....So much things have happened...Went to KL and Tioman...
KL was not very fun, though I made a new friend, whom I would never have been closed to, if not for dear. Really, even though it's a very bad experience with him cos' we quarreled, not over
her lah, I will tell more about what
she did to piss me off. But over another person, who is now, surprisingly, one of my good friend. I remembered telling Fion we (the new gd friend I have made during the KL trip and me) will never be good friends, which will be if me and him never quarrel.
Well, whatever. It is better to have one more friend than an enemy.
Tioman was quite good. We enjoyed each other's company, teasing, joking, talking and strolling. We laughed and had some really candid shots, and the scenery is not bad(will upload when I get the photos from him). I suffered minor sun burn....so minor that it's not only not red or peeling, but it is only on a tiny spot on two sides of my shoulders....Think dear wasnt as lucky...he's got some minor burns behind his back.
Well, who asked me not to bring sunblock...cos' you see I have never suffered a burnt before in Singapore no matter how hot it was, even during my St. John days where we have to march and stand in the sun for long hrs in the stupid uniform that doesn't absorb sweat. YES, I don't apply any sunblock when I go beach as well nor anywhere outdoors in Singapore. So sunblock is an alien object for me....
Too ya-ya la, should not be so "smart-aleck" next time....Shall invest in one if I ever go to the beach in Tioman or hopefully, Redang.
Yup...so on the whole trip is fun...Tioman is a very very good place to relax. Cos' it feels so stress free, I don't feel like coming back here....everything is at such a slow pace, and we stayed at Salang, where everything feels like the old Kampong days....minus snakes and stuff....resort is facing the beach, even though we didnt stay in the one with sea view, but it's like 2 mins walk away from the beach so it doesnt matter.
But good things do not last....as I came back here to face the reality, there are some problems at home....
And work wise, I have too much work on my hand....assignments, Kids-In-Charge event, Parents-teachers conference, Open House, PEPS programme.
Kids-In-Charge aka. KIC itself is so stressful. Lots of things await me to do. Making of puppet theatre, puppets, scripts, lots of scribing and documentation....UGH!!!
I really have no confidence to finish it all. And do a good job. So much stress that it really overwhelmed me and smacked me right in the face. *PIAK*
***********************************************
On the other hand, about
her that piss me off....
He finally stop giving
her sister tuition. Cos' he knows how much I mind. Sweet right?
Now, tell me, what business is it of
hers to ask him is it cos' of me????? Not only that, she told him that he can trust
her and tell
her one.
First, I am pissed cos' she has no business asking my boy this kind of thing. Second, WHY IS IT THAT SHE IS SOOOO GOSSIPY AND KPO??? I mean, why do she need to ask is it cos' of me? How she knows about it in the first place, and even so, why she has to butt in into OUR affair?
Oh, don't give me the crap that she is concerned about me. MY FOOT! It can't be cos' she is concerned about him cos' that is the only question she asked. And asked cos' her sister is dying to know why???
Then they are both KPO. And then somemore still tell him not to worry, can tell her. WHAT, she is his best friend is it? And what, she thinks he will NOT TELL ME WHAT A GOSSIP SHE IS?
Either she just loved to be KPO and gossip about it (that he stopped tuition cos' of ME) or she just loved to relish gleefully to the fact THAT I MIND, and that my boy is doing this kind of thing probably cos' she thinks he still have feelings for her. Or maybe both. Whatever. In any case, it's not
her FUCKING business.
So what if I sound like I am jealous? So what if I mind? At the end of the day he cared for my feelings more than her and her sister anyway. So, I am going to stop feeling pissed, just want to share this interesting fact with you. That, he called her a gossip queen after this situation. So Fion, it's not you this time, if you are reading this.
Really you know. Some people will never change. She was like that since secondary school. Like I say, she could be mean to people she doesn't like. When I say mean, it's
really mean. Those kind of put you down and make you feel small kind of making fun.
Lucky, I have friends who stood by me. Enough about HER.
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Dear told me we are watching Transformers tomorrow...don't know who is going except Mike. I want to watch!!! One of my favourite cartoons when I was young besides X-men etc...that theme song from the cartoon I can still remember.... I can't wait to see my favourite Optimus Prime & Bumblebee!!!!Hee...Oh well
...it's getting late...I gotta go...will upload Tioman photos soon....
Transformers, robots in disguise. (Think in my memory it sounds like this, probably it's wrong...haha. But I always chant it this way. If it is wrong, I was wrong for more than half of my life:X)
Joyce Kho Ming Zhen ♥
12:04 AM
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Joyce Kho Ming Zhen